Hey.......

I feel so pathetic but I know I'm not, I was just too stubborn to listen, and now I might lose a freind and another chance. Well she doesn't want me to talk to her for a while until she comes to me, which probably be a while, she is so pissed at me. I always skrew things up, and writting this isn't probably going to help either. I've talked to everyone else, heard what they had to say and I'm taking their advice, at least the ones that are possible for me, hehe. Now I just want to talk to her, have her smile when I'm near her after I tell her a joke or something, but I can't.........
.............. my time of healing is up, it's been up the past 2 weeks, but nooo I have to be an idiot and ruin everything, I don't remember but I think she gave a temporary or permenent nickname of "you". I don't really know what to say to that, I guess she doesn't see me as a real person anymore. I don't know, but I have to leave her alone for now, maybe forever, but it's up to her.


(Sigh) I'm so angry with myself right now, I keep having these dreams of where this God (sorry if I disrespected any religions) is telling me that she's my innocence and that I should go back to her, keep chasing her, but all I did is yell at him saying There is no way she's my innocence, there's someone better for her out there. But He keep telling me no I'm for her, and by actually admitting true love to her I will actually be back to what I was and rid of nightmare forever. I would Prove him wrong but by doing so I'd have to go up to her, and she doesn't want that. I just don't know, ppl are saying that you should trust God, and give it a try. I don't know...........