FUCKED UP

I really fucked up this time, Makenna broke up with me, cause I just annoyed the hell out of her, with babying and other stuff, she broke up with me tues before school, the day before I said I would try my absolute hardest not to do that any more, and the next day its over, I even annoyed her more a week later, I guess I just couldn't let go of her, I really loved her, and i still do, but it's over, and I realize I can't really be who I am anymore. Now I'll just have to change who I am, I want to try and win her back, but it seems pointless, She hates me, and I hate myself. she says I forgotten how to smile........ she maybe right, ( I know it's pathetic, I REALLY DON"T CARE) there's no reason to smile, I mean the person I want most is right beside me and I can't have her. I don't know what to do, I thought about things to find myself and all I really saw was someone alone, should I really just stay alone................... I know I've said so many times and that's drove her away, but I'm just so sorry for what I did and I can't change that at all, I don't want to move on............. I want to be happy, I want to have someone important in my life, and I want to important to them, (I bet NO ONE even reads these FUCKing things) I"M SO PATHETIC, all I can do is cry, and I know the first one is always the hardest but I... I just don't want to let go something so great( and now I'm crying) I want her back so badly, not as a dependent, but because she the one person that made me happy, but she'll never want me back, I was so pathetic, I did everything wrong...................... I'm just talking to myself aren't I. I bet she doesn't even read these anymore, (tears) I just don't know what to do.