Dear You know who you are

man I feel so silly right now, I finally figured out what my problem is, I just need to grow up, let go and only care a little and not make such a big deal about it, lol silly it took me so long to realize it, but I also realize I love the way I am, i do need to change a little but come on I've great friends, I love helping others with their problems or even just listening to them, I don't judge, I'll just listen. I'm Great with video games, and drawing, still need to work on it a little more though, I've come up with a great story, and had alot help with it so thank you, you know who you are.
lol man, I feel sillt and great at the same time, and I don't know if this was it, but cause of that one person, idk what it was, I guess she finally kicked my ass, lighting it on fire, what ever saying you want, but I've got to thank her, so thank you. and good luck with everything, I mean it you'll have a great life ahead of you, and so do I. cause I don't have that dream anymore woooo, but it was kinda nice though, lol so to those that say I don't care about myself, well I do, but when it comes to others safety, feelings, and special curcomstances, I still care about myself, but I'll care about them more. :) Have A great and wonderful senior year Makenna, I'm really glad I've met you.

Hey.......

I feel so pathetic but I know I'm not, I was just too stubborn to listen, and now I might lose a freind and another chance. Well she doesn't want me to talk to her for a while until she comes to me, which probably be a while, she is so pissed at me. I always skrew things up, and writting this isn't probably going to help either. I've talked to everyone else, heard what they had to say and I'm taking their advice, at least the ones that are possible for me, hehe. Now I just want to talk to her, have her smile when I'm near her after I tell her a joke or something, but I can't.........
.............. my time of healing is up, it's been up the past 2 weeks, but nooo I have to be an idiot and ruin everything, I don't remember but I think she gave a temporary or permenent nickname of "you". I don't really know what to say to that, I guess she doesn't see me as a real person anymore. I don't know, but I have to leave her alone for now, maybe forever, but it's up to her.


(Sigh) I'm so angry with myself right now, I keep having these dreams of where this God (sorry if I disrespected any religions) is telling me that she's my innocence and that I should go back to her, keep chasing her, but all I did is yell at him saying There is no way she's my innocence, there's someone better for her out there. But He keep telling me no I'm for her, and by actually admitting true love to her I will actually be back to what I was and rid of nightmare forever. I would Prove him wrong but by doing so I'd have to go up to her, and she doesn't want that. I just don't know, ppl are saying that you should trust God, and give it a try. I don't know...........

FUCKED UP

I really fucked up this time, Makenna broke up with me, cause I just annoyed the hell out of her, with babying and other stuff, she broke up with me tues before school, the day before I said I would try my absolute hardest not to do that any more, and the next day its over, I even annoyed her more a week later, I guess I just couldn't let go of her, I really loved her, and i still do, but it's over, and I realize I can't really be who I am anymore. Now I'll just have to change who I am, I want to try and win her back, but it seems pointless, She hates me, and I hate myself. she says I forgotten how to smile........ she maybe right, ( I know it's pathetic, I REALLY DON"T CARE) there's no reason to smile, I mean the person I want most is right beside me and I can't have her. I don't know what to do, I thought about things to find myself and all I really saw was someone alone, should I really just stay alone................... I know I've said so many times and that's drove her away, but I'm just so sorry for what I did and I can't change that at all, I don't want to move on............. I want to be happy, I want to have someone important in my life, and I want to important to them, (I bet NO ONE even reads these FUCKing things) I"M SO PATHETIC, all I can do is cry, and I know the first one is always the hardest but I... I just don't want to let go something so great( and now I'm crying) I want her back so badly, not as a dependent, but because she the one person that made me happy, but she'll never want me back, I was so pathetic, I did everything wrong...................... I'm just talking to myself aren't I. I bet she doesn't even read these anymore, (tears) I just don't know what to do.