Depression (it's back sadly)

I still get depressed and it's much worse, much, much worse. But I've found a way to surpress it, and many of you say it's unhealthy, but it much more helpful than everything else I've tried. I know exactly that I'm ment to be alone, so big whoop. Everyone have fun with what ever you're doing I don't fucking care.

Closer to the truth

Destiny
Is hard to meet
It’ll hunt you down somewhere along the way.

Don’t you see?
We’re meant to be
The prodigies that come to show that way

But I don’t wanna rule the world alone
None of us can make it on our own
I’m screaming but I cannot hear a sound
The suffocation slowly comes around

Loneliness
Eating me inside
It’s burning me alive
I’m traveling in my mind
And flying through a thousand lonely souls that cry
In swamps of evil lies
We’re closer to the truth now
Take me home

Don’t believe
It’s dark to see
When the sun has left you at the end of day

Suddenly
It’s hard to breathe
Resting in the trenches won’t you say?

Loneliness
Eating me inside
It’s burning me alive
I’m traveling in my mind
And flying through a thousand lonely souls that cry
In swamps of evil lies
We’re closer to the truth now
Take me home

IT ENDS

I'm sorry, but I have to leave, don't know when, but I have to. Everyone you have great lives and keep those lives going, don't think of yourselves as a nobody, don't dwell on false hope for too long. Live happy lives like me, just don't hang on the things that make you happy for too long, or you when you lose it, you might feel empty, and fall forever, in the darkness. stay happy and in the light, and if you are in the darkness, watch those in the light, keep them safe, maybe they will pull you out of the darkness, if you haven't fallen too far.

Depression

I'm just so dreppressed lately, it's been 2 months and I haven't changed at all, the heart attacks stopped, but now I feel so empty inside. Makenna apologized yesterday, and I just said "ok" I don't even know what that means. Depression is hitting me everyday, but I have to act like nothings happening for everyone else, but I don't know how long it'll last, last weekend I just felt like nothing at all matters anymore, not even me, something really bad would have happened if phillip (my brother) didn't come running down stairs, but it happened again today, Don't know what to do, I feel like I should just end it, just........ stop it all..... I don't even know if I actaully forgiven her, I just hope I can last long enough until everything is turned around for everyone and it slowly is....... but too slowly, I'm losing my mind, I keep having headaches, and pains, saddness and anger, I just want it all to stop, and I can only think of one way...........

Dear You know who you are

man I feel so silly right now, I finally figured out what my problem is, I just need to grow up, let go and only care a little and not make such a big deal about it, lol silly it took me so long to realize it, but I also realize I love the way I am, i do need to change a little but come on I've great friends, I love helping others with their problems or even just listening to them, I don't judge, I'll just listen. I'm Great with video games, and drawing, still need to work on it a little more though, I've come up with a great story, and had alot help with it so thank you, you know who you are.
lol man, I feel sillt and great at the same time, and I don't know if this was it, but cause of that one person, idk what it was, I guess she finally kicked my ass, lighting it on fire, what ever saying you want, but I've got to thank her, so thank you. and good luck with everything, I mean it you'll have a great life ahead of you, and so do I. cause I don't have that dream anymore woooo, but it was kinda nice though, lol so to those that say I don't care about myself, well I do, but when it comes to others safety, feelings, and special curcomstances, I still care about myself, but I'll care about them more. :) Have A great and wonderful senior year Makenna, I'm really glad I've met you.

Hey.......

I feel so pathetic but I know I'm not, I was just too stubborn to listen, and now I might lose a freind and another chance. Well she doesn't want me to talk to her for a while until she comes to me, which probably be a while, she is so pissed at me. I always skrew things up, and writting this isn't probably going to help either. I've talked to everyone else, heard what they had to say and I'm taking their advice, at least the ones that are possible for me, hehe. Now I just want to talk to her, have her smile when I'm near her after I tell her a joke or something, but I can't.........
.............. my time of healing is up, it's been up the past 2 weeks, but nooo I have to be an idiot and ruin everything, I don't remember but I think she gave a temporary or permenent nickname of "you". I don't really know what to say to that, I guess she doesn't see me as a real person anymore. I don't know, but I have to leave her alone for now, maybe forever, but it's up to her.


(Sigh) I'm so angry with myself right now, I keep having these dreams of where this God (sorry if I disrespected any religions) is telling me that she's my innocence and that I should go back to her, keep chasing her, but all I did is yell at him saying There is no way she's my innocence, there's someone better for her out there. But He keep telling me no I'm for her, and by actually admitting true love to her I will actually be back to what I was and rid of nightmare forever. I would Prove him wrong but by doing so I'd have to go up to her, and she doesn't want that. I just don't know, ppl are saying that you should trust God, and give it a try. I don't know...........

FUCKED UP

I really fucked up this time, Makenna broke up with me, cause I just annoyed the hell out of her, with babying and other stuff, she broke up with me tues before school, the day before I said I would try my absolute hardest not to do that any more, and the next day its over, I even annoyed her more a week later, I guess I just couldn't let go of her, I really loved her, and i still do, but it's over, and I realize I can't really be who I am anymore. Now I'll just have to change who I am, I want to try and win her back, but it seems pointless, She hates me, and I hate myself. she says I forgotten how to smile........ she maybe right, ( I know it's pathetic, I REALLY DON"T CARE) there's no reason to smile, I mean the person I want most is right beside me and I can't have her. I don't know what to do, I thought about things to find myself and all I really saw was someone alone, should I really just stay alone................... I know I've said so many times and that's drove her away, but I'm just so sorry for what I did and I can't change that at all, I don't want to move on............. I want to be happy, I want to have someone important in my life, and I want to important to them, (I bet NO ONE even reads these FUCKing things) I"M SO PATHETIC, all I can do is cry, and I know the first one is always the hardest but I... I just don't want to let go something so great( and now I'm crying) I want her back so badly, not as a dependent, but because she the one person that made me happy, but she'll never want me back, I was so pathetic, I did everything wrong...................... I'm just talking to myself aren't I. I bet she doesn't even read these anymore, (tears) I just don't know what to do.