Dear You know who you are

man I feel so silly right now, I finally figured out what my problem is, I just need to grow up, let go and only care a little and not make such a big deal about it, lol silly it took me so long to realize it, but I also realize I love the way I am, i do need to change a little but come on I've great friends, I love helping others with their problems or even just listening to them, I don't judge, I'll just listen. I'm Great with video games, and drawing, still need to work on it a little more though, I've come up with a great story, and had alot help with it so thank you, you know who you are.
lol man, I feel sillt and great at the same time, and I don't know if this was it, but cause of that one person, idk what it was, I guess she finally kicked my ass, lighting it on fire, what ever saying you want, but I've got to thank her, so thank you. and good luck with everything, I mean it you'll have a great life ahead of you, and so do I. cause I don't have that dream anymore woooo, but it was kinda nice though, lol so to those that say I don't care about myself, well I do, but when it comes to others safety, feelings, and special curcomstances, I still care about myself, but I'll care about them more. :) Have A great and wonderful senior year Makenna, I'm really glad I've met you.

Hey.......

I feel so pathetic but I know I'm not, I was just too stubborn to listen, and now I might lose a freind and another chance. Well she doesn't want me to talk to her for a while until she comes to me, which probably be a while, she is so pissed at me. I always skrew things up, and writting this isn't probably going to help either. I've talked to everyone else, heard what they had to say and I'm taking their advice, at least the ones that are possible for me, hehe. Now I just want to talk to her, have her smile when I'm near her after I tell her a joke or something, but I can't.........
.............. my time of healing is up, it's been up the past 2 weeks, but nooo I have to be an idiot and ruin everything, I don't remember but I think she gave a temporary or permenent nickname of "you". I don't really know what to say to that, I guess she doesn't see me as a real person anymore. I don't know, but I have to leave her alone for now, maybe forever, but it's up to her.


(Sigh) I'm so angry with myself right now, I keep having these dreams of where this God (sorry if I disrespected any religions) is telling me that she's my innocence and that I should go back to her, keep chasing her, but all I did is yell at him saying There is no way she's my innocence, there's someone better for her out there. But He keep telling me no I'm for her, and by actually admitting true love to her I will actually be back to what I was and rid of nightmare forever. I would Prove him wrong but by doing so I'd have to go up to her, and she doesn't want that. I just don't know, ppl are saying that you should trust God, and give it a try. I don't know...........

FUCKED UP

I really fucked up this time, Makenna broke up with me, cause I just annoyed the hell out of her, with babying and other stuff, she broke up with me tues before school, the day before I said I would try my absolute hardest not to do that any more, and the next day its over, I even annoyed her more a week later, I guess I just couldn't let go of her, I really loved her, and i still do, but it's over, and I realize I can't really be who I am anymore. Now I'll just have to change who I am, I want to try and win her back, but it seems pointless, She hates me, and I hate myself. she says I forgotten how to smile........ she maybe right, ( I know it's pathetic, I REALLY DON"T CARE) there's no reason to smile, I mean the person I want most is right beside me and I can't have her. I don't know what to do, I thought about things to find myself and all I really saw was someone alone, should I really just stay alone................... I know I've said so many times and that's drove her away, but I'm just so sorry for what I did and I can't change that at all, I don't want to move on............. I want to be happy, I want to have someone important in my life, and I want to important to them, (I bet NO ONE even reads these FUCKing things) I"M SO PATHETIC, all I can do is cry, and I know the first one is always the hardest but I... I just don't want to let go something so great( and now I'm crying) I want her back so badly, not as a dependent, but because she the one person that made me happy, but she'll never want me back, I was so pathetic, I did everything wrong...................... I'm just talking to myself aren't I. I bet she doesn't even read these anymore, (tears) I just don't know what to do.

School!

man I actually can't wait for school to start, I get to be with my girlfreind every day, I get to see my friends and I won't be stuck in the house all day, life is slowly movin forward, but i wish it didn't move at all, I don't really want to grow up, cause it's scary in the real world, but i want to be successful, this year I'll do my absolute best, besides the spelling (if I spelled anything wrong). But it's gonna be great, bummmer that my freind Joel isn't there anymore, but we'll still hang out.

New Demon

I was in darkness and I thought I'd stay in it, but I found my light, and her name is Makenna. I can't lie, I do sometimes crave the darkness, but nothing good may come of it, so I became a black angel, ........ But I think that because I'm rid of him, I wasn't able to contain him and now he's back and stronger than ever, but He gave himself a name, one that shouldn't even exist, Nightmare he calls himself, anyone who is familar with Soul Calibur should know who this is,


























But my inner angel has grown as well to protect my light, It isn't the same as what others might expect but it's the only way to stop the Demon. It had to go back to the Darkness and take a new appearance but only to stop this Demon, My true angel is not this form.
Yes they do look the same, well you know what they say, Fight Fire with Fire.

I know I can beat him again.
And yeah I know i'm insane:D

Just checking up

Hey, It's really been a while this time huh? But anyway Summers been pretty good since I last checked in, except for the two and a half weeks with out Makenna, she too Iowa (I probably didn't spell that right) to see her family, and man time slowed down like it was two and half months. We missed each other so much and it was harder too cause right after she left my parents limited me on my phone, but I found a job then quit cause the pay sucked. A whole week of work and I only got paid 100 bucks.

Oh I donated blood for the first time, so yay me or whatever. I feel bad thought cause I wanted to do it with my girlfreind while she was there, but she was in Iowa. I kinda am glad she wasn't there cause it would of tortured her while I was doing it, cuase I passed out, and freaked. It took three doctors to hold me down so the needle wouldn't slide out, and they had to wake me up with ice packs. I think I growled at them too cause I thought I was napping in my house and that my family was trying to wake me up, but it was one of the doctors. Man when I came too and had my color back, I just looked at the docter and said "I did something wrong didn't I?" but nope it was just becuase it was my first time and that I was doing a double donation, but I just sat there laughed.

Makenna got back from Iowa and God we were so happy to see eachother again, I was waiting at her house. I got to know her foster sister more, so I'm not really afraid of her, now I'm just afraid of her dad, but I think he's starting to like me so I'll just try to keep up whatever Im doing, cuase seriously it's gonna be hard to ask him a certain question in the future if I'm still afraid of him, but I think it'll work out ok. I really do love her. I love being able to touch her, to know that she is real, and not a dream, being able to hold her in my arms and feel her warmth, being able to kiss her know she loves me. I love her so much.

Oh I just saw the Dark Knight, Awesome movie. Loved the way they did it, but I got confused at one point. I won't say what it is cuase some of you might not have seen it so I'll just wait A bit. Well that's it so far, Still having a great summer, still looking for a new job, so stay cool everybody.